Concrete Promises - Week 14

            I seem to have this weird sickness that tries to infect my joy by keeping me apathetic towards everything this beautiful life has to offer. Amongst all the miracles and common blessings, my mind fights violently to keep me in a place of dulled excitement. I often experience the nauseating feeling that a dark loneliness outweighs the lighted comfort our Savior provides. Because we cannot tangibly experience Christ, it is easy to get tired, it is easy to take our eyes off Him, and it easy to think that life is a series of mundane events that have no significance. These easy grumblings of life can quickly take over ones outlook and if we’re not careful it’s a place that we can get trapped in.

            Looking for anything that can help us climb out of our entrapment, we turn to those things that have no significance, those things of distorted value, and those things that falsely seem to bring us closer to contentment. I cannot tell you how quickly I am swayed into thinking there’s got to be something more to life than deepening our relationship with God, how quickly I turn to substances or others for relief, how quickly I’m exhausted in trying to remain positively hopeful. However, in searching for these other things, our pits grow deeper. The walls we’re scaling grow taller and our temporary happiness widens the wounds it was so desperately trying to fill in the first place.

            Along with my apathetic sickness, I have haunting thoughts of unbelief. I am tricked into thinking that engaging with God makes no difference and that my love for Him is a fabrication of reality. Prayer makes no difference because God is in control, He is greater than I, and He will carry out His plan regardless of the life I choose to live. While some of that may have a small bit of truth in it, the accuracy is not on point. Prayer and the choices we make do make a difference. Nothing about our relationship with God changes Him, but it does change us, and it changes how we view Him. While these changes may be harder to see in ourselves rather than others, they are changes that comes in subtleties. They are changes that lead us into a greater understanding and changes that can sometimes be hard to describe. These sometimes-miniscule changes to our lives shallow the walls of discouragement, they make them easier to climb, and they eventually lead us out of the shadowed pit into the light of the Promised Land.

            “Because of His glory and excellence, He has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share His divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” (2 Peter 1:4) These promises that enable us to share in His divinity, because He is living inside each one of us, gives us authority to “heal the sick, raise the dead, cure those with leprosy, and cast out demons,” in His name. (Matthew 10:8) These promises allow us to “joyously draw water from the springs of Salvation.” (Isaiah 12:3) They are given to us so that, joy may be in us, and that our joy may be made full. (John 15:11) These promises from God, and the many more I have yet to write about, never leave us, and they are never broken. For these are the truths that live in us and will be with us forever. (2 John 1:2)

            While we learn how to stand on these promises, we must also learn how to trust them. Though these promises from God are infallible, our engagement with Him makes them living realities. Though the Lord freely gives, it is our choices, our prayers, that allow us to experience more of His greatness, and there is none more greater than He. For myself, I have to pray for the desire to follow Christ. I have to pray to love our Creator more. I have to pray for excitement, for knowledge, for discernment, and for understanding. I have to pray for leadings and for strength. I have to pray to remember. I have to pray for help in keeping my eyes on Him because the hauntings and the sickness are just as real as the glories. I have to pray and unfortunately I wish it came easier to me.

            As we crawl into this New Year, I’m praying to experience more of these promises I’m continuing to discover. A life with Christ, though the strangest I’ve ever known, is also the sweetest I’ve ever tasted. It is the highest I’ve ever been and the most loved I’ve ever felt. While the depths of our walls may seem never ending the love of our Savior is deeper. Growing in our trust and stretching our faith is not an easy process, I am the first to testify of this. But may I also be the first to testify that a life without God is a life without purpose. May I be the first to testify that the things I am able to do through Him are things that I could not have done without Him. May I be the first to rejoice in His greatness and one who never grows lukewarm or cold in His promises.

            Pushing into His love and increasing in His knowledge may bring sorrow, but it will also bring a life that is considerably more significant than any one we could live on our own. Christ, being all that matters, is the One who created everything, the One who is timeless, the One who sustains it all, and the One who cares about you far more than anyone else can, far more than anyone else can understand. “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Locked Love - Week 13

1 Thessalonians 5:14 tells us to warn the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, and be patient with them all. Yes, with them all! Reading this verse again I realize that we are called to do these things because this is what God does for us. He brings people into our lives or uses our situations to reveal Himself, warning us against false distractions. He places small gems in our path for encouragement, provides us with strength to do His will, and is oh so patient with our double minded resistance. He is a light to our footpath and He will lead the way if we ask Him.

A few times this week I started my mornings by asking God to guide me. I asked the Lord to bring me to places of need and to help me align my thoughts with His. Sunday, God faithfully responded by first leading me into a conversation that genuinely moved the other person. Though I didn’t think there was anything out of the ordinary about our conversation or anything extremely special, a 65-year-old man was brought to tears and told me how much that time meant to him. Then on that same day God opened up yet another conversation, which meant a lot to me. This person shared how the Lord pressed upon their heart to reach out to someone I care a great deal about, but someone who I was unable to speak with myself. In this, I could see the powerful truth of God pursuing His children and it encouraged me to know that true love continues to grow regardless of circumstance.

On Wednesday I was blessed to take part in an event for 100 children in need. These children, living in various shelters around Los Angeles, were gifted with a shopping spree from the Rams football team and The Salvation Army. I watched as God put all this together in just under 5 days. He took a very simple question from a very determined man and turned it into a very special evening for these children with support and provision. Not only was I a witness to the leading of the Lord that day, but I was also witness to the control God has over everything.

All day the rain had been falling and the event was about to begin. Three of us gathered inside this massive store and prayed right there in the middle of the check stands. We prayed over the event, asking Christ to fill these children with joy. We joined in Spirit praising God for the opportunity to do His work and humbly asked Him to clear the skies of rain. Faithfully, 15 minutes later the clouds parted, the rain stopped, and the skies turned blue. For 3 hours the skies remained dry. When the event was over, just as the last bus pulled away, it once again began to rain. Now some may say coincidence, but I say power!

Scriptures tell us, “that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15) I’m not one who believes in coincidences but I do believe in the words of Jesus when He says, “I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” (Luke 11:9-10) I pray that we all keep seeking, that we all keep knocking, and that we all keep asking so that we can continue to testify about the miraculous workings of our Lord and Savior.

Now clearly the first half of my week was extremely heartwarming, but by the end of it my mood had swayed into myself once again. The worst of this low hit on Christmas Eve and it was quite the opposite of what I was hoping to be feeling that night. Prayerfully I was able to snap out of it for a few hours but my mood quickly returned after a church service that had somewhat disappointed me. It wasn’t a bad service by any means, but it wasn’t what I expected either. I had been looking forward to hearing the Word, worshipping in song, and gathering together to celebrate the birth of our Savior. However, our speaker that night wasn’t who we assumed it would be, the singing was a little off, and the Word was short. I was kind of put off by all these small things but thankfully I still got something from the service.

The pastor that night kept asking the congregation, “Is God with you?” My response was yes! Undoubtedly so, God is with us. But I couldn’t help but wonder, are we with God? Am I with God? Looking back over this week I can see the areas in which I was with God, the times I felt engaged, and the times I felt His leading. Even so, I can also see the areas I wasn’t with God. The times I reached out for flawed male comfort, the times I partook in activities that would dull my feelings, and the times I thought double mindedly about the motives of my actions. I can see my wayward steps on His highlighted path and though I may not have been fully with Christ in all the moments of this past week, I am thankful that He was still fully with me. I am thankful that I can recognize the areas of my life that I need to allow God into and I am thankful for His patience in His dealings with my softening heart. I realize that it’s not a matter of “is God with us,” it’s a matter if we are allowing Him to be. I pray that we all allow the Lord fully into our lives and that we all allow Him to do what He does best. Love us.

Reminded of Heart - Week 12

          

          There was a mixed bag of events this week. I had days of trouble and days of joy, experiencing a wide range of emotions. These emotions I had were not limited to feelings of solitary, joy, sadness, anger, hilarity, or greed. After two weeks of what seemed like a continuous battle against the enemy, my spirit was ready to defeat. My thoughts were tired from running and my heart was tired of hurting. I had been caught in the middle of my own ponderings and stuck in a way that hindered my purpose… our purpose. However, when I reflect on what the good Lord did this week, I can see that by sharing my burdens, He relieved them.

            A few trusted friends lent their ears to my pain. They grieved with me in the absurdity of life and shared their love with me. I found comfort in telling others about my weaknesses and found strength in asking them for theirs. There were many times this week when I asked someone to pray for me and while they responded ‘of course I will,’ I tirelessly asked them to pray then and there, to which they tenderly did. I can’t thank those people enough and I am oh so grateful to have a family of believers outside of my immediate one. I am fortunate to have those who inspire me, encourage me, help me (whether I ask for it or not), and even question me.

            Some questions I got this week challenged me to think about what God revealed to me through recent hurtful experiences. Some questions were exploratory on their behalf, and other questions (though trying) allowed me to voice a calling of display. There were certain times when I was questioned on willingness to set my own happiness aside for another. There were curious thoughts as to why I would refrain from unloading certain truths in order to maintain a peaceful environment and in all honesty, I briefly wondered the same. I asked myself what was making me act in a way that could serve as an invitation for continuous pain. I was curious to why, even though I was fighting it every step of the way, I wanted to give up my own comfort to make others feel at ease.  In response, I can only answer with this; it’s what we’re called to do.

            If we really want to display the love of the Lord in our lives, especially to those who might now know the whole truth, we are called to live sacrificially. We are called to sacrifice our self, our feelings, our comfort, our “happiness,” and unconditionally love on others, as our Father has loved (does love) us. To expand on that point, I don’t think the “happiness” we’re called to sacrifice robs us of our joy. In fact, I think quite the opposite. I think the motivation for happiness and the continual pursuit of it, can be a very self-centered thing. It can leave us thinking about what we want, where to get it, and whom we can get it from. The center of all those thoughts is self and in those thoughts we can never be “happy.”

I think I mentioned before, that sacrifices can come in all forms and not all of them are easy to do. In fact, there was a point during these recent trials where I angrily cursed God. I audibly gave Him a big FU and was angry with what I felt He was asking me to do. In deciding to follow the leading of His Spirit (despite my stubbornness), God took my big FU and turned it into a bigger bless you. Bless the Lord oh my soul! Christ has allowed peace back into my life and while there were temporary moments of distress, temporary moments of tears, temporary moments of displeasure, I can confidently say that rejoicing won this week. I can confidently say that God cares about each one of us, hears our prayers, and never fails to be close.

The Lord and I still have some arguments. I still fail to understand all of His ways. I still take for granted the everyday gift of life He’s providing, wishing to be at home in His presence already, but I am excited about what He has in store for me here. It’s always an adventure. Some scary, some wondrous, some painful, and some so unbelievably surreal that I wouldn’t have believed them if I hadn’t seen them. For this I am thankful. I am thankful that each adventure brings more growth and that each adventure reveals more truth. God will always provide ways for us to trust Him more, He will always reveal Himself. We just have to open our eyes, our ears, our mouths, and our hearts if we want Him, but I think I forget that. I think I forget all too easily the amazing things God has done in, with, for, and through me. However, I also think that’s why I read the Word, why I attend church, and why I try to surround myself with like minded people with a love for Christ, because I need to be reminded.

It may feel weird to say I need to be reminded, but in this thought I am constantly pointed to the forgetfulness of the Israelites three days after God had led them through the Red Sea. They turned from the love they were shown in deliverance and worshipped their own belongings made into an idol. How much I am like those Israelites of long ago. How much I can relate to the wandering of the lost, but thank God I am found. Thank God for He has saved a wretch like me! My prayers have been steady this week, and while there are some answers I see in the works, I am going to continue to pray for those things in hopes to write to you about the glory of Christ. Until then, may “grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” (2 Peter 1:2)

Still Trickin - Week 11

Last week I wrote about the love of God fighting against the tricks of our enemy. I gave praise to our Father, rejoiced in the works I see Him doing, and encouraged the choice of setting our eyes on Him despite the negativity I was facing. There’s no doubt of faith in my heart that Christ is all that matters and that He is living in each one of us. (Colossians 3:11) However, as mentioned, I also believe that the devil wants us to believe otherwise. Even though I rebuked the devil plenty of times this last week, after all his attacks, he tried to fight harder, and he tried to fight dirtier.

I mentioned that the devil was up to no good by way of infecting my thoughts and taking away my desire to say grace for a meal. This week he didn’t stop. While I’m back to praying for the gifts of daily bread, Sunday another unusual thing happened to me. All year, all 345 days of this year, I have dedicated daily time to read the Word of God, but this past Sunday I decided against it. I was in a negative mood and even though I had the thought “you haven’t read today, why don’t you read, get up and read,” I adamantly said no. Waking up the next day, even I was surprised by my choice. That’s when I decided enough is enough. I’ve had enough of the enemy trying to steal my joy. I’ve had enough of the enemy disturbing my thoughts. I’ve had enough of the enemy pushing my buttons and troubling my heart. I’ve had enough! The devil only goes where he’s invited to stay and he’s long overstayed his non-existent welcome in my life.

Trying to live for, with, and in Christ is the easiest, hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. There’s a constant struggle to get out of my own head, focus on others, give grace, and be thankful for the abundant blessings God has given me. I feel ridiculous just writing those things, but sometimes it’s true. Sometimes it’s hard not to focus on the areas of life that make us sad and it’s hard not giving into the temptation that temporarily makes things appear better. I have a hard time remaining strong in my weaknesses and an even harder time being patient with people or understanding their brokenness, exercising kindness in my awareness of this. I’ve been reading a lot about how saying we love the Lord or actually doing it are two different things and this week it seemed that the devil really wanted to see which side of the fence I was truly on.

Aside from the daily reading I missed out on, the devil also threw more unexpected heart wrenching surprises my way. These attacks were stronger and more advanced after I decided that I’d had enough. He once again played on my emotions, the ones he knows I’m sensitive to. He brought attention to the missing love in a relationship I thought was special. He presented me with the opportunity to voice anger, hurt, and the ridiculousness of it all to not one, but THREE different people at three different times, all of who are common in our lives. I was given the chance to spitefully and damagingly hurt someone who had just hurt me. With everything I had I wanted to tell these people how insensitive, how uncaring, and how mean our friend had been to me. I wanted to give away truths that would harm future relationships and prevent this friend from being happy with what they thought they wanted. Regardless of all my wants, the Lord had different desires.

The Lord pressed on my heart that I was to respond to prying questions and hurtful comments in humility. I was reminded to be good natured and gentle. I was asked to put all my feelings aside and display the love of our Lord while I hurt immeasurably inside. I knew it was coming and it exhausted me to do it. I was on the brink of tears each time I had to, but I am thankful to report I believe I responded the way Christ wanted me to. I did not let the devil win those battles. Though I disclosed a little more information to one person than I should have, and mentioned a brief discouraging truth to another, I refrained from sharing anything with the third (their family member none the less). Whether I meant it or not at the time, I blessed the future of a new relationship for this person that hurt me, and if I stop to think about things… that blessing remains true.

The joy I have in not letting the devil win and the joy I have in seeing Christ’s promises fulfilled, does not take away from the hurt and anger I feel. It doesn’t make life any less painful. In actuality, the wisdom or knowledge of this joy can be quite the battle. “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” (Ecclesiastes 1:18) But Scriptures also tell us, "Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding." (Proverbs 3:13) It says that, “an intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15)

I pray to never get tired of fighting the good fight and I pray for strength in continually seeking out the knowledge our good Lord so freely gives away. I trust in the promise that if we do not grow weary, at just the right moment, we will reap what we sow but I had to pray hard to accept and deliver what Christ wanted of me this week. Truth is, I am getting tired and I am growing weary in the selfishness of my own heart. I pray to believe and rest in the things that are so easy for me to share with others and I ask for the steadiness of God and His angels to bring me to a place where the focus of my life is on all that matters. Christ is all that matters.