Truth in the Truth - Week 35

           

           It was an interesting week to say the least. While the beginning was shaky and lots of temperaments were exposed, it ended in a reflective way that makes my heart sing. Christ is continuing to teach me. In giving Him moments of time this week, He has powerfully shown up, exposing truths about myself that I am trusting He’ll refine. I’ve noticed in myself, that as God gracefully answers prayers I seem to reluctantly fight against letting His miracles break through. Though I profess the desire to have a heart for Jesus and wanting to live fully in Him, I often stifle the work He’s willing to do in me for a variety of reasons I’m sure.

In asking to spend more time with the Lord, it felt like God slowed the days and allowed for more hours of nothing so I could dedicate those extras to Him. I wouldn’t say I did just that, but I certainly took advantage of a few despite my flesh being hesitant to do the same. I got to write a one-page letter to Christ thanking Him for the strength to do so and then, even after I stopped writing, fell quickly asleep sharing additional thoughts with Him about different people and present situations.

The next day my teacher asked me to open our class in prayer. What an honor I so begrudgingly obliged to. Not only did the professor request my opening but I also had a classmate seeking prayer who asked if I wouldn’t mind praying aloud for their petition. In that moment I cringed. I thought, of course you can ask me to pray for you but I don’t want to pray right now. I’m shaky in dialogue and feel awkward voicing a prayer. However, as I listened to the story behind this students request, those negative thoughts seemed to disappear and my mouth delighted in the words that I was privileged to utter. Opening my heart to God’s voice I left the thoughts of self behind only to get slightly nervous when I began to think of them again. Thankfully God’s power was bigger than my insecurities and allowed for me to finish a decent prayer before my mind could muddy it all up.

During this class I had two conversations that really put my life in perspective. The tragedy of lost infant life and the challenge of restarting your life at an older age without sufficient means to do so. In these conversations I was humbled by the peaceful joy that was still in tone. I was thankful for the mercies our Father has blessed me with and grateful for the addition of prayers I could offer up on behalf of another.

It was later in the week that I had a conversation about my faith that really puzzled me. I shared with this person the awful thoughts that try to sneak way in my mind. The thoughts that doubt my love for Christ, the truth of His existence, the credit to the claim, and my desire to live in His miraculous nature. These thoughts that annoyingly torment me, and the hesitation I have in spending time with God. I was questioned if those thoughts might be a reality I’ve not been willing to accept, if there might be something to the idea there’s no truth in believing. I paused for a moment. I gave serious thought to the posed question and laughed. Absolutely not, I replied. I’ve seen, heard, tasted, and touched the truth of the Living Christ.

I know there are many factors that play into the nature of our being and some of those factors are laziness, forgetfulness, impatience, and rationalism. It’s part of our nature for some reason to doubt, but I think one of those reasons (a big one) is so God can prove Himself to us time and time again. So He can do the impossible in our lives and remind us that He alone is the reason for life. His love for us is bigger than anything else and can fill a person with such a great exuberance that it can be hard to understand or weird to watch, and this is where I think it’s hard for me to surrender.

God has blessed me with an outgoing personality that relates easily to the broken pieces of a heart. He has not only allowed me to see, hear, taste, and touch the truth of the Living Christ, but He has also given me wisdom in the truth of His kingdom. He has logically gifted me to understand that Scriptures speak, the church is the body, and the body can hurt. I am eternally grateful for the unshakable foundation that is rooted in Jesus’ words when He says, “I Am,” but it’s hard to live in this because I feel like an introvert. I feel like the world is dark and corrupt. I feel like living with Jesus will make me some kind of weirdo and that I’ll be sacrificing things of this world that I feel I may want. I feel like relating makes me exhausted and that I’ve got nothing of importance to share but then I realize that these are just feelings and feeling can lie.

I’d like to come to a place where I don’t care what it seems like and where I’m not bothered to share the only thing I find of importance. I’d like to live on the highness of His Spirit and surpass the restraints I’ve placed on my life. I’d like to rejoice in His song and give glory on high to the consistency of His majesty and the gifts He is giving. I ask for my apathy to melt away, as my excitement increases, to give God the credit that He so fully deserves. May we draw closer to Him so He can draw closer to us (James 4:8a) and may we abandon our fears of self in the process. I ask for revival in discussion and peace in our hearts. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen!

Foggy Lights - Week 32, 33, & 34

         

         With some time passing since I last wrote, the longest I’ve gone since I started this project, I felt it necessary to engage about the past few weeks and the lot that has happened within them. Not only has the usual come in the ways of work but I’ve also started classes once again to further my education in the understanding of this creation and the Creator. I’ve been busy and feel like my life in prayer hasn’t grown at all. I feel that there’s been nothing new in the developments of how I talk to God or the frequency of me doing so, and if I’m completely honest, I even felt at one point that I’d forgotten how to talk to the Lord altogether. This, more than anything, has compelled me to write this week.

            There’s times when it seems like we’ve said everything there is to say and that we can’t find anything different to talk about, especially when it comes to conversation with God. I find myself with a list of redundant prayers and common phrases that I use in my dialogue with Christ and think about the boredom He might have in listening to the same old tired track. These thoughts I know are absurd but they’re realities in my mind nonetheless. There’s also an impression that we’re limited in the things that we can tell God and that if He knows everything already, there’s really no point in discussing our hearts desires or concerns with Him. It’s in these impressions that I have to fight the hardest against.

            “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) Pray without ceasing! This of course will allow for many redundancies and why not? God redundantly gives us the gift of gravity, oxygen, sunshine, rain, and consciousness (to name just the minuscule). However, I’ve noticed over the past few weeks, that I’ve gotten pretty good at thinking about nothing. My mind just sits in a kind of neutral resting stage, with nothing to run through it. While it’s a pleasant change from the constant turning of my usual brain, I also find it quite disturbing to have my mind so numb.  “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2) And how do we renew our minds? By keeping it sharp and focused on the Kingdom of our greatest Love. By engaging with Him in His word and searching the depths of our being to find out what matters most.

            I picked up a loose piece of paper the other day and it read: “Lord thank you for this time. Thank You for Your creation Father. I ask You to help us bring more of Your Kingdom in to our careers. Let us increase in our faith, producing art together. Remind us that the essence of all is relationship with You. May we seek more of You Jesus.” After reading this I was surprised to find it was my own prayer that I was reading and that I would use such language in addressing our Lord but then I remembered how natural it seemed at the time. How many prayers I’ve said similar and how deep I’ve gone in other conversations with Him. Trying to find that intimacy again, I’ve learned that it’s not an overnight turn. We don’t go from our first words to full on sentences in the course of a day, and like most other things, it’s a process.

            The continual process of learning how to interact with God can be forgotten in a moment. There’s periods of time where we have to start from scratch and a simple hello is all that we’re able muster but it’s from that hello that we blossom into dialogue. It’s from that dialogue that we learn more of ourselves and more about the One who created us. Sure we may feel silly in the dedication of speaking to One who might not always answer but rest assured that One is ALWAYS listening and in just the right way and at just the right moment He WILL respond. Never give up. Never put aside the idea that God wants to talk with us, because He absolutely does.

            Over the course of the past three weeks I have (as usual) engaged in a superficial way with Jesus. I’ve made a point to read His Word at least once a week, not to mention the daily verse that pops up on my phone, and have seen Him guide my life to the moment I’m in now. Though my heart may be selfish and distant, God is all the time near and constantly inviting me into conversation with Him, no matter how redundant. I’ve learned that if there is a constant concern or desire in my heart, that I should continuously give that over to Christ because He is the one who is able. He is the one who will allow for the release or the remaining hold of these weights and maybe there’s a reason for the hold. Perhaps God leaves those concerns or desires on our heart so that we do continue to discuss them with Him. If it’s a particular person, maybe that person needs prayer, if it’s a particular situation maybe God wants to change our hearts on the matter. If it’s a struggle, maybe God wants to show us that He is bigger than that struggle. Whatever the reason, the concern, or the desire, I know that God wants it. I ask that we never stop talking to the One who is listening. May we continually give Him the redundancies of our heart and springboard from the hello’s of our shyness to the paragraphs of our boldness. In the name of our Lord Jesus I pray. Amen!

Worth Words - Week 31

Last week I wrote that I believe God’s Word is partially instilled on my heart and that I am nowhere near to the closeness I want with our Creator. I cited several verses from Romans and ended in pursuit of Galatians. Heavily the Word was on my heart as I took notice of what I already knew to be true. The Scriptures are living, breathing, and active! The mystery that lies in the pages of our history can certainly be hard to explain, but I dare to venture into the ways they changes people. The way they comfort and cleanse. The way they teach and correct. The way they allow you to follow intention of creation and most of all, how they tell us about our Father and Lord.

I don’t think the Scriptures can give us all the facts about God we’re looking for, but they do bring insight and wonderful ponderings. I don’t think they can give us all the answers to the deepest questions of life, but I do think there’s meaning of life found in them, and I do think they bring life. In reading the Word I have come to know the Creator of everything, the Messiah, and His Spirit. I have found Truth in the unbelief of my youth and have witnessed their power time and time again. Reading all 66 books of the Bible twice now, at different ages, I can feel the difference in my understanding. I know that as I read them over and over I will find new realities and new information about God that my heart unknowingly seeks to learn.

As mentioned weeks into this project, I don’t always feel like reading the Scriptures. Sometimes it even feels like a chore. They can appear tedious and redundant, questionable and disagreeing, but the longer I’m away from them, the harder my struggle becomes. My life, without His Word, hardens my heart and dims the clarity of my view. Their absence leaves room for filling my time with other information that can cloud thoughts and shape my mind. I’m being refined because God is refining me. I’m growing because He is sharing with me. Not only through His natural revelation and the way He allows His world to speak, but also (more so) through the pages of His special revelation that He’s given us in His Word.

Some may argue that the Scriptures have been passed down by word of mouth from generation to generation, until we learned to write and document our expansion. Those same people will say that the Scriptures were then translated over a dozen times and formatted to the liking of men without proper authority or evidence to support their claims. However, the further we get in science and the longer you read these Truths, the more intelligible they become. The more factual we realize they are and the more disclosure they seem to provide. It’s like a vicious circle.

We read about the beginning of time, how we as a people were so close to God, in His garden, walking with Him. When we turned our head just for a second, took our eyes off the beauty He is, we found ourselves lost to search for the connection we once had, hiding in fear from our own abandonment. Sought after and welcomed, we again walked closely with God. He guided us from the terrors we created and rescued us from our own decisions. Then, just when we could be safe in His graces, we again turned from His love and shaped our own god, of our own belongings, and gave praise to our own mortality. Softly correcting the error of our ways, God patiently waited for His people to cry out, redeeming us while it seemed impossible to fathom. Redundantly we can see this happen throughout history, and forgive me for saying I think were in that midst once more.

            Luckily, in that midst God prevails a victor. He does not leave His children to wander in the desert without Him. He mercifully provides everything we need to survive in our chaos and unfailingly allows us to return to the love He willing gives. The love that is Him and the love that we find in His word.

I know we can take hearsays or opinions and hold them as truth or we can look into what the enemy says and find ways to prove him wrong. In part, defending the Gospel is a call for all believers, but when the Word speaks for itself, it really needs no defense. I encourage you all to read the Word daily, something I wish I’d adhere to myself.

I’ve made point this past week to pick up an actual Bible, not on my phone or in cyberspace (though those are good too), and sit with Him in His conversation, reading what He has to say. At first I was rushing, still later I was skipping, but not long into it, I wanted more. Five minutes a day. 10 minutes a week. Whatever you’re able, I ask that you do. You will not be disappointed in the follow through and you will not regret the information learned. Even if to support your disregard, I recommend completion of the Scriptures before they’re altogether dismissed. Then, if you’ve read them before and still stand with nonbelief, read them again. You never know what some time will bring.

I believe, not that I always did, the Scriptures to be the inspired words of God. I believe that He gave them to the chosen and that His Spirit allowed them to be carried over the many generations that have come to pass. I believe that God has given us the gift of His Word and trust in the Truth of, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (John 1:1) I pray for us all in His Word and the name of Jesus. Amen!