This week has been an interesting
one. While I’ve had the abundant blessing of time, it seems like it’s all been
rushed, going by faster than I would have ever imagined, and leaving me
thoughtless as to what write about. Instead of trying to find the words, the
stories to share, or ideas I’ve had, I thought it best to just write about
what’s happening in my life and how I see the Spirit working.
I’ve been wrestling with how to
listen to God, with how He speaks to me, and the time I give in listening. I
was brought to my knees in prayer this week, only once, after the only letter I
wrote to Him, and experienced a flow in audible prayer that even I was
surprised with. In my prayer I could feel the Spirit’s words come out of my
mouth. The things I was praying and the way they were said lifted me to a place
where I felt connected with God. As I poured out what was on my heart (things I
didn’t even know were there), suddenly my words stopped, and there was wave of
silence that came over me. In this silence I heard nothing, I thought nothing,
and everything was completely still. The silence didn’t last long and I was
unsure of why it came, but when it was over I felt calm. That was the end of my
prayer that night; basking in the minute of silence the Lord gave me.
The next day I met up with a friend
to catch up on the happenings of life. She told me how God had spoken to her in
the past weeks and how He’s moved her to a new season of life. We talked for
hours about leading and listening, who we are in Christ, and how He’s
continuing to shape us. In our conversation there was praise (no doubt) but
there was also the sharing of our fears we have in living with Him. Fears that
were strikingly similar and fears that I’ve found even more people have. Am I
doing enough? As we talked about the shortcomings we felt in our walk, it
became apparent that the root of our fear was the desire for more of God and
the life we wanted to live for Him. A life we felt we weren’t holding up to.
Discussing the future of where we wanted to be with God led us to conclude that
we could be what we wanted in the present. We could entrust to God the feelings
of less than, the feelings of loneliness, the feelings of more, and ask Him to
help us be who we are now. Children of God.
After our time together, a new day
began. My morning was blessed in the way I got to help a friend in need,
followed by an afternoon of more engaging conversation with another. This
conversation mirrored the one I had the night before but it was different all
in it’s own. We talked about seasons and fears we both shared along with the
leadings we were both asking for. I told her I had been struggling with my
experience at church and how I wanted to be a part of what was happening but
with the set backs I’ve experienced the past few months, I wasn’t sure that it
was the place for me. Along with her attentive ear, she provided encouraging
suggestions, and seemed to relate in the ways I suggested it could be my own
heart preventing me to take further action. I left our time together thankful
and full of things to talk to God about (some of which I think I did).
This same day I met with a friend
who is facing an unfortunate amount of time that lies before him. Despite what
is coming, he rejoiced in knowing that God would strengthen him and that he
would have the opportunity to work on areas of his life that he wanted to
change. I was inspired by his smile regardless of what was coming and taken
back by his ability to live in the moment. We spent that night not worried
about anything, enjoying the simplicities of life, along each other’s company. Though
he was burdened with thoughts of anxiety, he was able to be what he wanted in
the present. A child of God.
The next day (yesterday), as I left
my friend with his future, my present was tired. I got home about 6 in the
evening, fell asleep shortly after, then slept the whole night through. I awoke
this morning to sit down and work on my article, but I had difficulty in trying
to arrange my thoughts. I read the Word, straightened the house, and talked to
a few people before picking up a different book by Robert Morris entitled Frequency. I cried when reading this
book about listening to God. Morris shared stories which made me desperately
long for the type of communication he described with our Savior. It’s now been
hours since I’ve read those words that made me cry and I’m realizing that while
my communication looks different at the moment, it’s a communication
nonetheless, and it’s a communication that can be strengthened.
I received an email from church
today asking me if I’d be willing to join the regular serve rotation in
greeting our members. Though there could be a variety of reasons this email was
sent personally to me, I believe it was God who initiated this request (or response
to my prayers). My communication might not be exactly as Morris described, but
it gives me something to look forward to in the ways that I know that God
speaks. For now, I continue to pray for ears that listen and eyes to see the
ways in which Christ communicates with me. May the Lord allow me to rest more
in His silence and hear more of His guiding truth while living as His child.
"be still, and know that i am God."
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